It feels like something inside me is going to explode
Do I just quit my job now because deep down that is what I really want to do??? DO I JUST GO BACK TO DRAWING ON MY TABLET ALL DAY BECAUSE THAT IS REALLY WHAT I WANT TO DO?!
And what about debt? and bills? and insurance? and just the cost of living?
I really don’t fucking know. BUT, I want to go someplace and just draw and not have to worry about being home later because I have to get ready for work or I have to make sure I get rest before this or that.
Seriously though if anyone out there has ever been in just mountains and mountains of debt and has felt as helpless as I have just let me know there is a CHANCE of getting my life back together!
When I was little I remember there was one day where I was on the trampoline with my brother and sister. I’m not really sure what happened but I ended up falling in a certain way where I hurt my ankle. It was sprained. I remember feeling the pain and crying and hearing my brother and sister gasp in annoyance because they thought I was faking it or exaggerating.
So anyway, I got off the trampoline and tried to walk back to the house, crying the whole time because it hurt and still had not help. I made it to a tree and kind of just leaned on it and cried and I felt so helpless and I was just lucky my mom saw something was wrong and came to help me.
That’s kind of been the theme of my life I guess. I’ve never been one to be taken seriously until things have gotten really bad. Even now I feel like people are having less patience with me, telling me to just have surgery so I can be done with all of this. As if I am doing this to myself and all I have to do is go under the knife.
I still feel helpless a lot, and some family members wonder why I won’t just give in and rely on my mother. I’ve always felt like I have been alone in my struggles, only I know how I feel. My mom isn’t always going to be there to help me get back up, and then what? My siblings aren’t going to take me in and take care of this lazy/depressed/annoying little sister. I am a stranger to my aunts and uncles, I don’t know them and don’t want to, and well haven’t seen my dad since I was 8.
I sometimes feel like there is some anger towards me from my siblings because my mom babied me I guess you could say? I always did what she asked me to and I liked doing it because it made her happy and to be honest I was lonely and she was the only one there for me. I also wanted acceptance from my brother and my sister but it always just turned to shit. I was always “an idiot” or “too ugly” “too heavy” “too young”.
When I was younger I was always so sad because family members would compliment my sister on being pretty and I really wanted to be like her. All I wanted was for her to do things with me but I always felt like I just annoyed her instead. She is ten years older than me so for most of my childhood she was the adult I had to look up to besides my mom. There came a time where I realized she wasn’t too interested in visiting me or inviting me to do things like she did my brother…and I guess that’s just her choice. I’ll never know what I did to make her see me as insignificant.
I’m not even sure where I was going with this anymore. I’m just tired and don’t feel like doing anything but I guess I had to let that out at some point.
hickeys are beautiful because they are the only time a bruise results from love and affection rather than harm
When I was in 2nd grade I sucked on my arm until a hickey happened and I just thought I had discovered something crazy so I kept doing it….then my mom came in the room, freaked out, and told me not to do it again lol.
Has anyone ever had this? Where you are in a lot of pain and you involuntarily smile? Like you cant stop? It happens to me during really bad times I wonder why that is?
Someone was in the bathroom and I couldnt hold it so I went in an amazon prime box that was nearby. …my cats hate me now and I got a cramp in my leg while squatting. …annnnnd thats how badly i refuse to just soil myself
what in the living hell do I do with this steam it has been a while since i installed a computer game i guess things have changed ughhhh i just want to play